Imus to the Bank – Wolfo in the Morning

This isn’t a perfect world and this may not be a perfect solution.  But, a fix is definitely needed and I’ll just throw this out as a possible solution.  I propose to have Paul Wolfowitz and Don Imus switch jobs.  That would make Imus the President of the World Bank and Wolfowitz a morning talk show host.

I know, you think I’m wacko, but hear me out.  First, Wolfowitz is too long a name, so we will call his show, “Wolfo in the Morning.”  You say he isn’t funny.  Well, neither is Imus.

There was a time when Imus was funny.  Many years back, Imus was a VJ (video jockey) for VH1.  We had just returned from Germany and video music was brand new to us.  It was really neat.  And, who was introducing the videos?  The I-Man.  When the video was finished, the camera would focus on Imus and Imus would focus on the camera.  There would be 10, 15, 20 seconds before Imus would say anything.  My wife and I thought he was making a silent commentary on the previous video.  We thought it was hilarious.  Later, we found out Imus was blitzed and it was taking him a while to focus.  But, Imus’ drug and alcohol days are behind him and his sobriety is just what you would hope to find in the President of the World Bank.

The President of the World Bank should be able to collect funds from contributing nations.  Imus has plenty of experience at collecting funds.  Anyone who has caught Imus’ show knows he has a nonprofit cattle ranch for sick children in New Mexico.  He was forever soliciting cattle and money for the ranch.  These skills should transfer nicely to the Bank.

You say Imus has offended people.  True, but he offends all people equally.  I think the President of the World Bank, on occasion, needs to be offensive.  Imus’ skills at being offensive are legendary.  We need a tough negotiator.  How would you like to be negotiating across the table from the I-Man?  CBS is about to find out.

Imus is married, so there is only a small chance that he would find a girlfriend at the Bank.  If he did, he certainly wouldn’t ship her off to the State Department.  And, with Wolfowitz on the air, his girlfriend could come back to the Bank.  I haven’t figured out whether she should get to keep her pay raises.  But, I don’t see where she did anything wrong.

As for Wolfo in the Morning, I think he is a natural.  There is no question that he will look better than Imus in a cowboy hat.  And, he wouldn’t spend all his air time hyping his ranch and his wife’s new book (we just have to hope that Wolfo’s girlfriend doesn’t write a book). 

One of the things that made Imus in the Morning work was the high-powered guests he had on.  Imus would carry on intelligent, insightful discussions with his guests (World Bank material?).  Wolfo has held many significant positions in the Government and could call on his distinguished friends to provide intelligent, insightful comments on his show.

Wait a minute.  I just found out that Wolfowitz wrote his doctoral dissertation on water desalination in the Middle East.  That would be more deadly than talking about the ranch.  Let’s just forget the whole thing.

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