Monthly Archives: June 2010

The Judge Says

The Judge Says – Crooked Carnival Games


June 27, 1980

When I was a kid back in East St. Louis, Illinois, I used to love to go to the carnival.  I used to stand by the hour and watch people try to knock over a bowling pin with a baseball hanging from a cord.  When the patron was only practicing, he could knock over the pin every time (you had to swing out the ball and knock the pin over on the back swing).  But as soon as the money was on the table, the ball couldn’t find the pin.  I knew it was crooked, but I couldn’t figure it out.

Well, last month, Bob Stephan, the Attorney General of Kansas, invited me out to the Kansas Bureau of Investigation in Topeka, and the KBI presented a program on how carnival games work.  I was right, most of the games are crooked.  Even the little innocent-looking mouse is a crook.  He always runs into a colored hole that no one has bet on.  The operator has ammonia on his finger and touches the hole he wants the mouse to go into.  The mouse is attracted to the ammonia and goes to that hole.  I also found out that there is a spot where the bowling pin can be placed so that the ball cannot hit it.  The pin is placed a little off the spot for practice shots.

Carnivals get by on the basis that there is always a sucker ready to part with his money.  I saw a spinning wheel  in Topeka that always won when it was spun to the left and never won when it was spun to the right.  All the numbers games with conversion charts are made so that you will never win.   If the operator shows you how easy it is to win, you can bet he didn’t add the numbers up right.  He will do it so quickly that you won’t be able to keep up with him.  But when the money is on the table – forget it – the addition will be impeccable and you lose.

The coin toss works on the percentage.  If you pitch enough coins, you may win a prize.  The $2.00 stuffed animal ends up costing you $5.00.  Such a deal.  The coin toss is rigged by hanging the prizes low over the dishes so the coins can’t be arched.  Further, the dishes are waxed and tilted at a slight angle.   My advice is to let your kids ride the merry-go-round and buy them some cotton candy.

RAJA

RAJA in Indy

  
The Retired Army Judge Advocates met this month in Indianapolis.  Would you believe we had 108 people at the meeting?  Not bad for such a select group.  Each member was an Army lawyer who served at least 20 years and then retired.  So, did we have 108 retired Army Jags?  Of course not.  The wives, widows and close friends make up a large portion of the group.  That is probably why it is successful.

Steve and Pauline Lancaster hosted the group and it couldn’t have gone more smoothly.  Next year, we return to Charlottesville, Virginia, the home of the Army lawyer, and the following year, it’s Big D.  The main portion of our business meeting (which never lasts over 10 minutes) is to announce future RAJA sites.  You talk about an organization with clearly defined goals.

Usually The Judge Advocate General and the Commandant of the JAG School (it now has a new name, but who cares) come to our meeting and update us on the Corps and the School.  This year, both of them had daughters graduating from high school that weekend and could not attend.  So, Major General Butch Tate, The Deputy Judge Advocate General and former Commandant came and gave both presentations.  He was outstanding.  He is also one of the funniest guys I’ve heard speak in quite a while. 

Of course, Zane Finkelstein continued to interrupt Butch with questions and comments, some more relevant that others.  Butch shot him down time after time.  But Zane obliviously continued.  I like to hear my voice too.  But I try to be my own counsel at times like that.  On my note pad, I wrote over and over, “KYMS.”  That stands for “keep your mouth shut.”  Even then I have trouble being quiet.

In Butch’s slide presentation, he showed a picture of his wife with their new dog.  He explained that the dog was the reason Lynn had not joined him at RAJA.  It seems they adopted a 12 year old rescue dog and Lynn did not want to put the elderly pet in the kennel.  As Butch was closing his two hour presentation, Joe Ross raised his hand.  Butch, in his humorous way said, “Joe, I’m right in the middle of my closing which I expect will become emotional.  Is your question really necessary?”  Joe responded, “I was just wondering if Lynn could come next year and you could stay with the dog.”

Butch mentioned that the Army JAG Corps had 1700 applications this year for 200 selections.  Good numbers even when discounted for the bad economy.  As soon as he mentioned accessions, I flashed back to the accessions board I sat on with General “Big Daddy” Williams.  It was back in about 1977 and we were reviewing  the applications of law students who wanted to become Army Jags.  I remember one file I reviewed that included an invitation to attend an event at the local yacht club.  I thought the invitation had been inadvertently placed in the file.  But on the next page was a picture of our applicant and his girl friend standing in front of the yacht club!  Big smiles.  We concluded that he must have gotten his applications mixed up and we received the one meant for Navy Jag.

One of the files I looked at was just tops.  He was an Army ROTC scholarship student who had been deferred through law school.  His law school grades at Berkeley were excellent.  The only problem with the file was he had his picture taken in a tye-dye tee shirt.  Big Daddy, who had already reviewed the file, on a scale of 5 to 1, had given him a zero.  I looked at the file again and the only thing wrong was the tee shirt.  I finally said to Big Daddy, ‘You know Sir, since he goes to Berkeley, he may be a conformist and just dressed in the uniform of the day.”  General Williams looked at me and paused.  Then he said, “Jack, this young man is trying to tell you something and you are not listening.”  So he joined our yacht club invitee in the trash pile.

Oh, prior to going to RAJA, I called my credit card provider to let them know where I would be, so they wouldn’t pull the plug on me.  And, my credit card worked the entire trip.  Isn’t life grand?

We had a great time at RAJA, but by writing about it, I have raised a troubling question.  Does anyone really believe that being invited to a yacht club function makes them a better applicant for the JAG Corps?