According to CBS, there are only two monumental events left to occur this year. The Royal Wedding and the Masters. I’m not too concerned about the wedding, but the Masters signifies to those of us who live where there are four seasons that it is time to get our game together.
The Masters is also the first of the four major tournaments. Tiger had won 14 majors. Will he win number 15 this year? I think not.
It’s all about Karma. I didn’t know much about Karma until I started watching the TV show “My Name is Earl.” It was a sitcom with a deep underlying message. Earl won $100,000 in the lottery and in his excitement got hit by a car and lost the lottery ticket. While laid up in the hospital, a nurse explained to him that he probably had bad Karma for all the bad things he had done in his lifetime. He bought into that thesis (and so do I), and made himself a list of all the bad things he had done. He spent the next four seasons trying to right all his wrongs. I lost interest in season two, so I don’t know how it all turned out. I think Earl and the audience were put out of their misery when the show was canceled.
Anyway, I think Tiger has bad Karma. And when I remembered that Tiger’s father’s name was Earl, it all came together. Tiger, Karma, Earl. Earl, Karma, Tiger. Just like Harry Bosch, I don’t believe in coincidences.
So Tiger needs to make a list. I have no idea how long the list needs to be, but I don’t think he is going to be able to rectify all the bad Karma this year. Let’s see, there would be his wife, Elin. I don’t think that apology went too well (and he paid dearly). Then there are all the sweet things to whom he whispered that he truly had feelings for them. At least the porn stars will be easy to find.
I believe it was in 1997 when he was interviewed after winning a tournament that he told the interviewer and the world that he didn’t have his “A” game that week. Put all the other players in the tournament on the list Tiger. You basically said, “I can beat all of you with my “B” game.
Put me on the list too. Tiger told the world that he didn’t have anyone helping him. He was the only one responsible for making these affairs happen. I’m thinking, how stupid does he think we are? He had to have facilitators to assist him, to cover for him.
When he apologized to the nation, he looked me right in the eye and said Elin hadn’t hit him with a 5 iron. Well, even though they are now divorced, she is still the mother of his children and he would want to protect her. Plus, I’m pretty sure it was a 9 iron.
It is unimaginable that Tiger has not returned to his winning ways. But, we all know that golf is a head game and bad Karma or no, Tiger has a head problem. It impacts all golfers at one time or another. I’ll give you an example. A player is having a great day – best ever. Then, on the 8th green, he misses a three-foot putt. All the great golf psychologists will tell you, “forget about it – you have been playing great – put that little putt out of your mind – concentrate on your next shot.” But all golfers know what happens on the next tee box. The poor schmuck doesn’t have a chance. He should be pleased if he keeps the ball in bounds and finds it.
Well, Tiger has done a lot worse than missing a three-foot putt. He lied and got caught. He cheated on his wife and got caught. And now, even worse, he has been caught spitting on a green! Tiger, put the greens keeper on your list.
Written by PJ Rice on www.ricequips.com
Monthly Archives: March 2011
Bombing Libya – Then What?
I’m confused about us going to war with Libya. You say war, what war? Well, firing a hundred plus missiles into another country is an act of war. I am certain that the leaders of this country know this.
During the Cuban Missile Crises, we imposed a quarantine around Cuba and not a blockade, because a blockade constituted an act of war. But that was 50 years ago. Now, we just cut loose.
I have no use for Mommar Gaddafi. I think he is a tyrant and a murderer, and if he were blown in to 1,000 pieces, I would be pleased. I might even go as low at 200 pieces.
What I see in Libya is an internal uprising. I see a revolution against Gaddafi. I support it, but I don’t understand where we have the right to fire missiles into another sovereign, albeit tyrannical, nation. The justification is that Gaddafi is slaughtering his own people. When you have a revolution and internal forces attempt to overthrow their miserable leader, I would expect the miserable leader to fight back. He obviously has and very successfully. And those people he is slaughtering are the people who are trying to overthrow him (and most likely execute him). None of this startles me.
It’s great to have missiles and air superiority. But, if Gaddafi has superior forces on the ground, he will probably put down this internal revolt.
Did President Obama think these things through before he committed our nation? What I am hearing is the US is only taking charge for a little while and then we will turn it over to NATO forces. What does that mean? Does that mean that we will bow out or just step back. I suspect NATO will enforce a no-fly zone while Gaddafi forces wipe out the opposition. I wish our President would have consulted with Congress before authorizing this act of war.
Bill O’Reilly says it’s OK to do it because Gaddafi ordered the bombing of Pan Am 103 over Lockerbie, Scotland. Maybe we should indict him – Gaddafi that is. But the Administration says it’s to keep him from slaughtering his own people – “innocent civilians” (who are trying to overthrow him).
At this time I was going to quote Colin Powell on only going to war when you have overwhelming power, understand the objectives and definitely have an end game to close out the matter. In looking Powell up on the internet so that I could make sure I had the quote correct, I read that Powell supported Obama for President. He thought Obama would provide fresh eyes to look at the issues.
After reading that, I no longer concerned myself with getting the quote right. I’ll bet Powell is feeling pretty stupid right now.
Written by PJ Rice on www.ricequips.com
Carole Jeanne Valentine
One thing for sure, if you are going to marry a gal named Valentine, you better take St. Valentine’s Day seriously. I did and I do.
I guess we started dating way back in 1955. We got married in 1959 and until this year, she could always count on a Valentine’s Day card from me. Sometimes flowers, sometimes candy or dinner, but always a card. That is until this year.
In early February, we were traveling in Florida. By the 7th of February, we were at Disney World. It was shortly after our arrival that I realized I had no card for Carole. I started nosing around gift shops and refreshment areas, but there were no St. Valentine’s Day cards. I spoke to our concierge – no luck (No, I don’t want a post card!). If parents wanted to spend $500 on their eight-year-old daughter making her into a princess, no problem. But try to find a Valentine’s Day card.
I panicked. I thought about making a card, but my talents don’t run in that direction. I am more of a stick figure artist. Would Carole have a card for me? Oh yes. She, in her maddeningly efficient way, probably picked it out in early January.
Then, I realized that I write a Christmas poem every year. Why not write her a St. Valentine’s Day poem? I did and it solved the problem. The trick is to write from the heart. Here is what I wrote:
It’s Valentine’s Day and I want you to know,
Having you with me makes everything go.
You’ve captured my heart, and captured my soul,
When you’re not close by, I don’t even feel whole.
So, I love you so much and I just want to say,
Have a Happy, Happy St. Valentine’s Day.
(This was done by a professional. Please do not try this at home).
Written by PJ Rice on ricequips.com
The Judge Says – This Racket is Really Tough
June 4, 1982
This journalism racket is really tough. I had no idea that there was a grand scheme behind smacking print on paper.
You know I’m a lawyer by profession and I’m doing what I always wanted to do. After 19 years of plugging away, I am finally a Staff Judge Advocate here at Fort Riley. I have 20 attorneys working for me. And, that probably makes me the head of the largest law firm in Kansas. But cracking the newspaper business is another game.
After I got to where I felt comfortable writing The Judge Says, I decided to branch out into Junction City’s finest, The Daily Union. Each Tuesday, I would carry my little column down to the editor. He would read it and then tell me it was too long or too short (no such problem with the Post paper). Sometimes he would just ask me what in the world I was talking about..
Two weeks ago, I wrote about the Army’s silly name changing game (“recruits” are not called “trainees” so they can learn faster). And when I came to a particularly meaningless change, I would insert in parentheses, “humma, humma.” Later, I vented my concern for conservationism with a “humma, humma, humma.”
The editor was concerned whether all his reading public would understand humma, humma. I advised that some would and those who didn’t probably wouldn’t lose any sleep over it.
He thought it was inappropriate to use technical military terms such as humma, humma, in a civilian newspaper. I explained that hassle was originally a military term which was now in common usage. And early use of the term humma, humma would just give the Junction Citonians a leg up on the rest of the nation.
As I was leaving, I told him to do what he felt was best. But, by the time I got home for lunch, I had the solution. I called and told him if he would agree to leave the humma, hummus in, I would write the next weeks column explaining what humma, humma meant. Then the editor became concerned about his reading public being confused for an entire week (tough and subtle racket). I reassured him that anyone who reads my column expects to be a little confused.
Well, the humma, humma didn’t make it that week, but I still felt compelled to explain the term. Hence, this column. Then, to my total disbelief, I discovered that humma, humma was not in the Army dictionary (I found HUMRRO, which is a lot closer than I want to talk about).
So now I’ll just have to give you my definition. But I’m uncertain whether humma, humma doesn’t have more than one meaning (like foot). It may depend upon whether the accent is on the first or second humma.
I believe it means much to do about nothing. The grand overplay of something insignificant. My discussions with the editor would be a good example. But the best example is this week’s column (humma, humma).
Real Redskin Excitement
Yes, I am a Redskin fan. Not a happy one. One who suffers through the season. I say things like, “If they don’t care, why should I.” Then something goes right and I get all excited – just to be disappointed again.
I am old enough to remember all the excitement with the “over-the-hill gang.” Watching Billy Kilmer (Old Furnace Face) follow his stomach up to the line of scrimmage. Then there were the Super Bowl victories in the 80’s and early 90’s. The glory days. It’s been about 20 years.
Ever since Dan Snyder bought the team, it has been a joke. And I don’t think it will change as long as he is in there tinkering (like a little kid with a toy – when he gets mad, he breaks it). Does he want a Super Bowl team? Desperately. Does he have a clue? Absolutely not. Letting his crony, Vinny Cerreto, run the team. Hiring Jim Zorn as the coach; then shaming him in the middle of the season to try to get him to quit (just to save some money). Everything seems to be more about Snyder than the team.
Then it dawned on me. There is still an exciting Redskin season every year. It starts in February and runs till late summer. It is only when they take the field against an opponent that I see the house of cards crumbling.
But during the off season, all kinds of exciting things happen. Like getting a new coach. Since Snyder took over, we get a new head coach on average better than once every two years. Exciting names like Shottenheimer, Spurrier and Gibbs. Marty Shottenheimer lost the first five games his only season with us (So did Joe Gibbs before he took us to the Super Bowl). He had a reputation for being a tough, successful coach. Some of the players complained that he wasn’t treating them with the respect they deserved. After he convinced them that he was in charge, they won eight of their last 11 games. Snyder fired him.
Snyder brought in Steve Spurrier, the Ball Coach. I had always been a Spurrier fan. It turned out he wasn’t ready for pro ball. He seemed to be clueless. Everyone in the stadium, the announcers and even the TV fans could see a blitz coming. But the Ball Coach had called a deep pass and that was that. Before the wide receiver even made his break, the quarterback was on his rear. At the end of the first year (7-9), I was still convinced that the Ball Coach would turn things around. I said, “He was duped and he is too good a coach to let that happen two years in a row. We won five games the next season. The Ball Coach took his $50 million and joined the Augusta Country Club.
Joe Gibbs will always be my favorite coach. But even he couldn’t win with Snyder looking over his shoulder. Poor Jim Zorn. He happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time when Snyder had chased away all the legitimate candidates for head coach. Zorn had the same two-year record as the Ball Coach (12-20)!
Now we have Mike Shanahan. While his first season was 6 & 10, we Redskin fans never give up hope. Onward and upward.
Changing coaches isn’t the only thing that happens in the best part of our season. Two years ago, we paid $100 million for Albert Haynesworth. That was exciting. The problem was he was out of shape and didn’t play that much (he got tired). Then, when Coach Shanahan came on board, we switched to a 3/4 defense (three men down and four linebackers). Haynesworth would have been a pretty good nose tackle (plays right over the offensive center), but he didn’t want to play that position. Shanahan made all of his players pass a physical fitness test to show they were in shape. Haynesworth failed and failed and failed. Breaking news in the DC area was Albert had passed the test and could now practice. Then, he announced he only wanted to play on passing downs. Things went down hill fast. Then, he told the GM that he wanted no more direct contact with Coach Shanahan! Goodbye Albert.
Last year during the exciting part of our season, we traded for Donovan McNabb. We were getting a Pro-Bowl quarterback. The problem was that a good QB needs a good line in front of him. We didn’t have one. Shanahan inexplicably benched McNabb in the Detroit game (which we still had a chance to win & McNabb had a reputation for bringing his team back). Of course, we lost. The very next week, Snyder signed Donovan to an extended $78.5 million contract. Donovan should have read the fine print. Only $3.5 million was guaranteed and I suspect that is all McNabb will see.
Now we have the draft coming up. That’s an important part of our exciting non-playing season. Of course, we usually have traded away our draft picks. This year we have our first and second round picks, but no third or fourth round picks. And who will we pick? A QB? A wide receiver? I hope not. We desperately need someone who plays in the sand on offense or defense. We can use help in both places.
I have to go and start thinking about the draft. Egads, this is exciting. I shouldn’t have another set back until the first pre-season game.