The Day I Set Vietnam On Fire


I didn’t go to Vietnam until late in the war.  Oh, that’s right, it wasn’t a war, it was a conflict.  The military didn’t have jurisdiction over accompanying civilians because it wasn’t a war.  I’ll say this, it was a hell of a conflict.

I almost went to Vietnam in 1965.  I was assigned to III Corps and Fort Hood, Texas.  A secret message came down to Fort Hood directing that a corps headquarters be constituted and sent to Vietnam.  I had just stepped forward to go Regular Army so I figured I was a lock to go.  As it turned out, I was on orders to go to the Language School in Monterey, California.  That secret message directed Fort Hood not to take anybody who was on orders for a school.  So my JAG friends left without me.  The Corps SJA, Colonel Joe Sullivan, was part of the corps headquarters arriving in Vietnam.  As Colonel Sullivan got off the plane, he was advised that they had not requested a JAG full colonel.  That’s the Army we know and love.  After wandering around for 60 days without a job, Colonel Sullivan convinced the powers that be that he was a fifth wheel at the headquarters and was shipped back to Fort Hood.

I ended up going to the language school (studying German) and then having a three-year assignment in Germany; and, also, spending a year at Northwestern University before I was shipped to Vietnam.  I know it doesn’t sound like the Army we know and love to actually have someone study German and then be assigned to Germany.  The Army we know and love made up for it by sending me to Northwestern to get a Masters Degree in criminal law and then, never giving me another criminal law assignment.

I finally arrived in Vietnam in July 1970.  I spent my birthday at the 90th Replacement Battalion.  Their singular goal was to make life so miserable for new arrivals that they would jump at the chance to join their new units.  They were very good at their job.  They had a detachment that cut wood all night long using ban saws.  What seemed strange to me is that the saws were silent during the daytime.  By the end of three days, I was delighted to climb on a chopper and join the 1st Cav SJA Office at Phouc Vihn. 

I think Phuoc Vihn was about 40 to 50 miles north of Saigon.  We called our outer permitter the “Green Line.”  It was three and a half miles long.  Inside the wire was the provincial capitol, a large air field and the Cav headquarters.  Sometime prior to my arrival, Viet Cong snuck onto our base and did some damage.  We remedied this by leveling everything outside the wire for a quarter of a mile and erecting ball park lights all along the Green Line (pointing out).  No more sneak attacks.

The VC had no problem finding us and would fire a rocket or a few mortars or RPGs at us each night.  We eventually caught the sneaky group and took out our vengeance.   The JAG Office and our quarters (hooches) were not in danger.  We were located quite a distance from the air field, headquarters and provincial capitol.  In fact, we were located down close to the Green Line, surrounded by defoliated rubber trees.  Periodically, during a storm, a rubber tree would fall over.  But, they weren’t very big and no one was hurt.

About six or seven months into my tour, we were instructed to do a “Spring Cleaning” around our area.  Being the Deputy SJA, I was tagged to run the clean up.  I had about 12 captains and about 15 enlisted men.  But, the area we had covered about five acres.  Our office, the courtroom and our hooches were in pretty good shape, but we had a large wooded area that was a complete mess.  We had been instructed to clean out undergrowth.  In the wooded area, the undergrowth was everywhere.

Then it came to me.  We could burn the wooded area and be done in no time.  I walked around it to make sure the fire would not spread.  Between the roads and fields, we seemed to have natural boundaries to retain the fire.  I checked the wind to ensure it would burn in the direction we planned.  I was really proud of my idea.

We started three or four fires on one edge and the fire took off.  It burned much more rapidly than I thought.  The next thing I remember is it appeared the fire was totally out of control.  And the noise.  The roar of the fire was deafening.  I could see branches on fire flying higher and higher, taking on a life of their own.  I was scared to death.  I saw my military career slipping through my fingers.  I had been a prosecutor and a defense counsel in trials.  Now, I feared I would be an accused.  I would be charged with unmitigated stupidity!

After what seemed like hours, but was probably thirty minutes, things started to settle down.  The deafening roar was gone.  I began regular breathing again.  The self-generated crises had passed.  To this day, I have always wondered why no one outside of our JAG office reacted to the fire.  We didn’t see the fire marshal or an MP or a concerned operations guy.  No one.

By the evening, everything had returned to normal, whatever that means in Vietnam.  And, I guess I missed my 15 minutes of fame.

Written by PJ Rice at www.ricequips.com

Thanks Bubba – You Da Man!


My golf game has improved.  It is not my imagination.  The numbers don’t lie.    And, I owe it all to Bubba.  That’s right, Bubba Watson is my hero.

First of all, there is something about the name Bubba.  Only in America.  The name conjures up images for all of us.  Years back, when I heard there was a golfer on the pro circuit named Bubba, I was amused.  I guess that tells you what type of image it conjured up for me.  I wondered if when he bent over to address the ball, his butt crack showed.  He had to be somehow related to John Daly.  After all, like Daly, he does have his own line of clothes (“Bubba Golf” -what else?). 

I couldn’t wait to see what Bubba looked like.  I couldn’t wait to see him play.  Then, I saw he was swinging from the wrong side.  But how can you not pull for a guy named Bubba.  It also turned out that he was a nice guy.  Bubba “Nice Guy” Watson.  And, can he hit the ball!  His longest drive on the PGA tour was 416 yards.  I can’t hit the ball that far after I have hit it twice.  Bubba is leading the pro circuit with a driving average over 305 yards.  He generates a ball speed of 194 miles per hour.  Bubba is faster that a speeding bullet and more powerful than a locomotive.  That’s right, Bubba is Superman!

And, he didn’t just win the Masters; it was the way he won it.  Bubba is a magician with his clubs.  He probably has a boomerang shot where the ball comes back to him.  This saves on retrieving practice balls.  Anyway, as many of you know, he executed one of his impossible shots to win the Masters.  Deep in the woods on the second playoff hole, from 164 yards away, he put 40 yards of hook on his 52 degree gap wedge shot to put the ball on to the green.  The rest was history.

So, how has Bubba helped my game.  He hits left handed, I hit right.  He drives over 300 yards.  I’m happy when I get it out there 175 yards.  He’s 6′ 3″, I’m 5′ 7″.  I had been serving as a Army JAG officer for 16 years before Bubba was born.  But, when I am going through my pre-shot routine, the last thing I say to myself is, “What would Bubba do with this shot?”  That thought is so ridiculous that it causes me to smile and relax.  When I smile and relax, the tension disappears.  Without the tension the swing is smoother and just better.  The ball has a greater chance of going where I intended it to go (and it also goes farther). 

Thanks Bubba.

Written by PJ Rice at www.ricequips.com