I really like country music. I didn’t grow up with it, and, in fact, I didn’t care for it as a youth. I thought it was too twangy and too corn-ball.
I remember when I was a kid going on vacation in the Ozarks, in Branson, Missouri, when Branson’s downtown area was one block long. One of the popular country songs went like this. “Oh, I was looking back to see, if you was looking back to see, if I was looking back to see, if you was looking back at me.” Anyway, even though I committed the lyrics to memory, I left Branson satisfied that there was no social redeeming value to country music.
In the late Sixties, I was stationed in Germany. The only English speaking radio station was Armed Forces Network (AFN) which could be heard throughout the then Federal Republic of Germany. If you were in your car and wanted to listen to an English speaking station, you listened to AFN.
I was assigned to the 4th Armored Division Headquarters in Goeppingen, which was about 30 miles East of Stuttgart and about 100 miles from most of our Division troops. All of our troops had relocated much farther to the North and East. That meant that I was usually traveling two or three times a week to see my “clients.” I was defending soldiers in criminal cases. Between 4:00
and 5:00 PM, AFN played country music. The show was called “1605 to Nashville” (1600 hours is 4:00 PM in our military world). At 1605 hours, I was usually driving home from some military unit and AFN was force feeding me country music.
Someone told me that if you played a country song backwards, the good-old boy gets his pick up, girl friend and hound dog back. Well, the truth of the matter is that country songs do tell stories. Some good and some so-so, but they do keep you awake! Even though I was tired after a long day, listening to county music kept me wired. I understand why all those truckers humming down the Interstate are listening to country music.
By the time I left Germany, I was sold on country music, at least while I was driving. Then along comes Garth Brooks with “Friends in Low Places.” I’ve played it for some of my friends who don’t like country music and by the end of the song, they were smiling and singing along. If you have never heard “Friends in Low Places,” I can’t help you.
There are so many lines from these songs that are classics. I can’t do them justice, but I will give you a few. There is a song entitled, “Strawberry Wine,” in which Deena Carter is singing a song about first love and she sings, “I was thirsting for knowledge, and he had a car.” That says it all!
My favorite group is Sugarland. The lead singer is a cute, little gal named Jennifer Nettles. The group has published two albums and both have gone platinum. In the song, “There’s Got To Be Something More,” she sings, “Armageddon could be knocking at my door, but I ain’t gonna answer, that’s for sure.” I have previously told you that country songs don’t always rhyme, but the way Jennifer sings “door” and “sure,” they rhyme! This song is also helpful, because now you know what to do when Armageddon comes knocking at your door. So don’t tell me that country music is just about honky-tonks, pick-up trucks, cheating and beer in Mexico. It deals with significant problems like Armageddon.
Miranda Lambert is a feisty young female artist who writes most of her own lyrics. She has a song and album out entitled, “Kerosene.” Part of it goes, “Forget your high society, I’m soakin’ it in Kerosene. Light ’em up and watch them burn, teach them what they need to learn. HA! Dirty hands ain’t made for shakin’, ain’t a rule that ain’t worth breakin’. Well, I’m giving up on love, cause love’s given up on me.” Yep, you guessed it. It’s another cheating song.
Monthly Archives: May 2007
BYRD-Man From C’Ville
Byrd Eastham was a Department of the Army Civilian who had worked at the JAG School in Charlottesville, Virginia for a number of years. I was there in the early Seventies and again, in the late Eighties. He was there both times.
I don’t know what his title was, but he was the commercial artist in our media group. He could draw anything and bring an artistic flair to any School project. The JAG School had a reputation for being a cut above in those things it accomplished, and in many cases that translated to the “Byrd-man.”
A few months back, he retired and the School had a gala affair for him. The Judge Advocate General came down from Washington, DC to officiate over the ceremony. I was unable to attend, so I prepared the following poem to commemorate the occasion.
The BYRD-Man From C’Ville
It had to happen, and no one’s the blame,
The Byrd-man’s retiring, it’ll never be the same.
He is the institution, the brightness of the School,
Everything he touches, comes out really cool.
By the side entrance stands a pillar,
It came with the new addition.
It was Byrd’s idea as a filler,
For the new entrance’s transition.
For these many years, he’s added humor and style,
Plus energy and competency, and did it with a smile.
The School has many missions, and accomplishes so much,
But nothing goes out the door, without the Byrd-man touch.
To receive a “Byrd original,” will make one shout with glee,
To my extreme good fortune, I ended up with three.
But the tip of the Byrd-man’s pen is the beginning and not the end,
The true value of the Byrd-man is having him as a friend.
This town has an exciting history,
There is even intrigue and mystery.
We JAG’s have added to the lore,
Molding in the city our wonderful Corps.
The task was easier with Byrd’s shinning light
May his future retirement be ever so bright.
Imus to the Bank – Wolfo in the Morning
This isn’t a perfect world and this may not be a perfect solution. But, a fix is definitely needed and I’ll just throw this out as a possible solution. I propose to have Paul Wolfowitz and Don Imus switch jobs. That would make Imus the President of the World Bank and Wolfowitz a morning talk show host.
I know, you think I’m wacko, but hear me out. First, Wolfowitz is too long a name, so we will call his show, “Wolfo in the Morning.” You say he isn’t funny. Well, neither is Imus.
There was a time when Imus was funny. Many years back, Imus was a VJ (video jockey) for VH1. We had just returned from Germany and video music was brand new to us. It was really neat. And, who was introducing the videos? The I-Man. When the video was finished, the camera would focus on Imus and Imus would focus on the camera. There would be 10, 15, 20 seconds before Imus would say anything. My wife and I thought he was making a silent commentary on the previous video. We thought it was hilarious. Later, we found out Imus was blitzed and it was taking him a while to focus. But, Imus’ drug and alcohol days are behind him and his sobriety is just what you would hope to find in the President of the World Bank.
The President of the World Bank should be able to collect funds from contributing nations. Imus has plenty of experience at collecting funds. Anyone who has caught Imus’ show knows he has a nonprofit cattle ranch for sick children in New Mexico. He was forever soliciting cattle and money for the ranch. These skills should transfer nicely to the Bank.
You say Imus has offended people. True, but he offends all people equally. I think the President of the World Bank, on occasion, needs to be offensive. Imus’ skills at being offensive are legendary. We need a tough negotiator. How would you like to be negotiating across the table from the I-Man? CBS is about to find out.
Imus is married, so there is only a small chance that he would find a girlfriend at the Bank. If he did, he certainly wouldn’t ship her off to the State Department. And, with Wolfowitz on the air, his girlfriend could come back to the Bank. I haven’t figured out whether she should get to keep her pay raises. But, I don’t see where she did anything wrong.
As for Wolfo in the Morning, I think he is a natural. There is no question that he will look better than Imus in a cowboy hat. And, he wouldn’t spend all his air time hyping his ranch and his wife’s new book (we just have to hope that Wolfo’s girlfriend doesn’t write a book).
One of the things that made Imus in the Morning work was the high-powered guests he had on. Imus would carry on intelligent, insightful discussions with his guests (World Bank material?). Wolfo has held many significant positions in the Government and could call on his distinguished friends to provide intelligent, insightful comments on his show.
Wait a minute. I just found out that Wolfowitz wrote his doctoral dissertation on water desalination in the Middle East. That would be more deadly than talking about the ranch. Let’s just forget the whole thing.
Wow – It’s All Becoming Clear
I hired my first secretary at Fort Riley, Kansas. The trick to surviving and succeeding is gathering good people around you. I think having the right secretary is a big deal.
When I arrived at Fort Riley, I inherited a sweet elderly lady, who had been an institution at the JAG Office. She wanted to retire, but was kind enough not to walk out the door as I was walking in. After a comfortable period of time, she let me know that she was retiring and we started the process to select her replacement.
I don’t understand the process. Don’t have to. Eventually, some admin office on post sends over a bunch of personnel files for us to review. These files have already been reviewed by someone and it has been determined that the individuals whose files were forwarded are “qualified for the job.”
One of the good people in the office was my Admin Officer, Mr. Frank Maloney, a young warrant officer. Mr Maloney and I selected three or four of the applicants to interview. A couple had been on post for a number of years and had excellent reputations, so I was fairly confident I would end up with a really good secretary.
Another woman, who was working over at the Army Reserve Headquarters, had excellent evaluations, but had changed jobs about five times in the last six years. Frank and I were concerned about that, because we were looking for stability. What we were doing was a time consuming drill and we didn’t want to be doing it again in a year.
The first couple of interviews went very well. Frank seemed to know the right questions to keep everything on track and I was feeling fairly comfortable with the process. Then, the young lady from the Army Reserve Headquarters showed up (thankfully, I don’t remember her name, but I will never forget the interview). She was a very attractive young woman wearing a see-through blouse and a lace bra! Mr. Maloney and I struggled through the interview. Have you ever tried to make eye contact throughout an entire 30 minute interview?
We asked her about changing jobs so often, and she explained that she also had been going to school. Her class schedule sometimes would interfere with her work schedule causing her to change jobs. She assured me that schooling and scheduling were no longer a problem and that she would be a devoted secretary. Egad!
I used to refer to the prettiest secretary in the office as the “Queen Bee”, because there was always a lot of activity buzzing around her desk. The males in the office could always come up with some bogus reason to be there. If we had hired this gal, I think the JAG Office would have become the most popular building on post. We might have had to set up a “take-a-number” system.
After she departed, Frank and I just stared at each other. Finally, I said, “Frank, if I hire her, I think the next 90 days will be the most exciting in my military career. I also think they will be my last 90 days.” We agreed that another applicant was better qualified and put the matter behind us.
Two weeks later, I dropped by the Officers’ Club for Friday night Happy Hour. There she was, sitting at the bar, wearing a bright red tube top. She was looking right at me and pouting. I walked over to her trying to look sad or sorry or something. Frankly, I was trying to look appropriate for a person who had not hired her. She finally spoke. She said, “It was Mr. Maloney, wasn’t it?” What could I say? I said, “Yes, it was Mr. Maloney.”
After a few minutes, I finally got around to telling her that she raised issues by dressing the way she had. Always the teacher, I explained that she should probably dress a little more conservatively when she is interviewing. I should have saved my breath. She knew exactly what she was doing and if I didn’t appreciate the way she dressed, it was best that we both knew it up front. I realized that one of the purposes of the interview process was to inform and she believed in full disclosure.