September 11, 1981

“Folks, we are going to give you a new camera, and the film is also free and all you have to pay for is a small processing fee to have the film developed.”  Does that sound familiar?  Yep, the old door-to-door huckster.  Have you ever wondered how these salesmen make a living when they give everything away free?  The answer is you will pay big for everything you get.

Here are some of the door-opening gimmicks.  “This offer is only available to members of the Armed Forces (Golly, they found a soldier living in Junction City – What a break).  Another way they get in your door is they tell you they are only taking a survey.

They will look you right in the eye and swear that what they want to talk about won’t cost you a cent. (that’s true, it’s going to cost you big bucks).  They will tell you that your name was randomly selected out of the phone book (so was your next door neighbor and his neighbor).

Back to the camera deal.  The camera is free, the film is free and over a two year period, you only pay $450 for film processing.  For 450 bucks you can get an oil painting.  Such a deal!

Let me give you a couple of rules for handling these turkeys.  First, no honest salesman is going to insist that you must sign the contract at the time he gives his pitch.  This bit about “this offer is only good tonight” is bull.  What do you think he will be doing the next night?

I have had salesmen in my house (whom I thought were reputable) who insisted that the offer was only good that night.  I turned red, my upper lip puffed out and I escorted them to the door.  They do this every night for a living, but your offer is only good for that night.  Think about that.  Balderdash.

Second, if you get taken in by these smooth talking snake oil salesmen, I have good news for you.  Under Kansas and Federal law you have a three-day cooling off period in which you can cancel the contract.  But you need to move fast.  If they can slip and slide, they will.

Another gimmick they will use is to tell you they will pay the down payment and you can pay them back later.  They want your signature in the worst way.  Once they’ve got it, they gotcha.

There used to be a clothing store in St. Louis that when you bought a belt, they threw in a free pair of trousers.  But, of course, the belts were not cheap.

Ladies and gentlemen, you may receive this totally free introductory offer simply by writing your name and address on the back of a ten dollar bill and sending it to me.