If you live to be seventy and you don’t have any quirks, you might want to check your pulse.  You may be dead.  I’m sitting here in my green visor thinking about another quirk I have.  I like to buy pens.  No, not expensive pens.  If you are going to be quirky, make sure your quirks are reasonably inexpensive.

Consequently, I have lots of pens.  I have boxes of pens.  Many that I have purchased worked well at the store, but not so good at home.  After about a week, they end up in a box.  You can’t throw away a one-week old pen.  After about a year, I go through the box and pitch them.

My quest is to find the perfect writing instrument.  I went through fountain pens, ball points, porous points and finally locked on to roller balls.  At this moment, I am wild about gel roller balls.  The Cross pen with a gel roller ball refill is superb.  But, the pen costs $30 to $50 and has the ability to hide itself.

I used to have one Cross pen with a fine porous point tip.  But it was always disappearing.  Many times it would be hiding in the couch.  Searching the car for a lost pen is great sport.  Even if you don’t find the pen, you may find coins, combs or a fingernail file.  It’s better than a scavenger hunt.  And, many times I would find a number of pens.  “Welcome back.  You go in the box.”

I probably buy two to three pens a month.  Always on the quest.  Presently, I’m partial to Sanford Uniball pens.  And, Sanford seems to know it.  Each time I go into an Office Depot, Staples or PX,  Sanford has something new for me (or, they have repackaged something old).  “Hi, I’m Jack and I’m a compulsive pen buyer.”  “Hi Jack.”

Some pens write better on certain paper than others.  Sometimes a fine point is best.  But, most of the time bold is better.  The disadvantage with bold is when you put it in your pants pocket uncapped.  This happens to me frequently.  This has led to another quest – seeking the perfect stain remover.  My wife encourages me to wear dark trousers.  Retractable pens are not the answer.  You don’t have to cap them, but you do have to retract them.

What happens when you buy a pen you really thought your were going to like, but you don’t?  And, it came in a package of eight.  Now you have seven new pens you can’t even put in a box.  I try to give them away or leave them in places where other people will find them.  One lady stopped me to advise that I had forgotten my pen.  I thanked her, but I wanted to tell her to mind her own business.

I spend a disproportionate amount of time just wondering where certain pens are.  I have particular places on each level of the house where I place them, but they find other places to hide.  When I was working in DC, I could go through all of my suits (pants pockets, coat pockets) searching.  That was exciting.  But now that I am retired, I seldom where a suit.  My most recent purchase (with very high hopes) has vanished.  I’ll be back, I’m going to look in the car.  Well, I’m back.  I didn’t find that pen, but I found another.  Unfortunately, it’s one of the eight I have been trying to get rid of.

You may think I am wasteful buying pens I don’t use.  But I feel like I am helping the economy.  And, it gets me out of the house.