Below is another article written while I was the Staff Judge Advocate at Fort Riley, Kansas in the early 1980’s.
May 2, 1982.
Rodney Dangerfield (I wonder if that is his real name. I would never name a child Rodney) says he don’t get no respect. The way he throws a bowling ball, he don’t deserve no respect. If he thinks things are bad now, he should try being a JAG Officer.
I went over to the Officers Club last Friday night for Happy Hour. The place was so empty there was an echo. Come back. There is no truth that there are MP’s roaming the halls with breathalyzers.
You don’t have to get drunk to have a good time and Friday night, after a long week, is a good time to relax. They also have free chow on Friday night. It’s a little overpriced, but the heartburn is also free. You have to eat the meatballs with a toothpick, because the sauce had been dissolving the plastic forks.
Again, back to the plight of the poor JAG. I’m standing in the chow line with my last two Tums clutched tightly in my left fist. There are two officers in the front of the line and one of them has a black lunch pail. After they fill up their plates and the pail, they head out of the club. One officer in line said, “I didn’t know we were providing carry out.” Then a lieutenant behind me in line announces in a loud voice, “they are probably JAGs.”
It didn’t take the lieutenant long to find out that they weren’t, but that I was. I think he also lost his appetite. The whole thing really gets me. It was a cheap shot. So, if we seem a little defensive at times, humor us.
Once in a while we do good work. My legal assistance attorneys are really hotshots when it comes to protecting the consumer rights of our soldiers. They have a zeal that is really exciting.
They found out about a gas station downtown which was charging $10 per bad check, plus $1 per day until the check is redeemed. Now nobody wants the GI bouncing a bad check, but fair is fair and that ain’t.
One GI bounced three checks for a total of 28 bucks and he ended up paying $70 in service charges. The Soldier didn’t have the money for the service charge so he had to wait till payday, and each day cost him another buck.
We took our best shot at the gas station trying to convince them to change their policy. They seemed concerned and were willing to make some token offer in this one case, but they refused to change their policy.
So my legal assistance office has now brought in the horsepower of the Consumer Protection Division of the Attorney General’s Office. And we have every reason to believe that the gas station policy will be struck down because it is unconscionable (that’s a fifty-cent word meaning it stinks).
Written by PJ Rice on www.ricequips.com
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My Day Stunk, But It Was Better Than Tiger’s
Thursdays are match days. We at Fort Belvoir are members of the Northern Virginia Retired Mens Golf Association. So almost every Thursday starting in late March and running through September, we play a golf match with one of the Northern Virginia country clubs.
I start getting ready on Wednesday. I assemble all my gear (clubs, bag, shoes, etc.) and put it in the trunk of my car. Two years ago, I arrived at the golf club without my clubs. So now, I do it on Wednesday.
This Wednesday was out of sync. We had a crew spring cleaning our yard. I had both cars parked in the street so they could dump mulch in the driveway. The clean up went well, but as they were leaving, I went down the back steps to make sure the gates were closed. I didn’t make it. I was pretty close to the bottom when I started falling. This may sound stupid, but I believe there is an art in falling and not getting hurt. I consider myself a master.
On this occasion, I was out of control. But still I was twisting and turning. When I finally bottomed out, I had scraped my head, shoulder, elbow, knee and butt; not necessarily in that order. I lay there for about a minute gathering myself. When I finally got up, I assumed my golfing stance and took a practice swing. I may have been hurting, but if I could swing a club, then all was well. All was well. Another bullet had been dodged. Following orders, I dutifully sprayed Bactine all over my body.
The next morning at 7:30, I marched out of my house for my 9:00 match. My car would not start. The battery was dead as a door nail. I raced back upstairs. Carole was getting a permanent at noon time, but she told me I could take her car. She would hitch a ride with a neighbor. I went back to the garage to move my clubs from my car to hers. Then I realized that with my keyless 2009 Infiniti, if the battery is dead, you can’t open the trunk. My clubs, my shoes, my golfing glasses were locked in the trunk. I climbed into the backseat with a flashlight. I knew there was a hole about the center arm rest. I found the hole, but could do nothing with it.
Carole suggested finding my starter cables and jump starting the car. Great idea. After searching for ten minutes, I concluded that my starter cables were in the trunk with my golf clubs.
Carole then reminded me that I had a lot of extra clubs in the basement. Another great idea. I called my team Captain, Peter Huhn, and told him I would miss the 8:00 check in time, but I would be there for the match.
In the basement I found my Ping G-2 driver and my Ping nickel ISI irons. I was happy with those clubs. The grips were a little slick, but who cares. I had three putters and selected two of them. Then, I decided to take only one so as to be decisive. I selected an old reliable Acushnet Bulls-Eye putter. My problem was fairway woods. As I bought new fairway woods, I gave my old ones to my son, Paul. The only clubs I had were 1970 vintage. These were not metal woods, but wood woods with persimmon heads. The 3 and 5 wood heads looked tiny and the shafts were stiff as iron rods. But that was my fate.
I made it to the club with 35 minutes to spare. I saved time by not putting on golf shoes, or changing glasses because I had none. I raced out to the driving range to get accustomed to the clubs. The driver worked. Nothing else was comfortable. Then I went to the putting green and nothing worked. My regular putter is a Scotty Cameron mallet head and has some weight in it. The old Bulls-Eye was exactly the opposite. What a dummy!
I don’t think you are up to a hole by hole accounting of my round. I would love to tell you I had a great round, but I didn’t. I would have had a decent round if it hadn’t have been for the putter. I missed at least six three to five foot putts. Toward the end, on a par 3, I had a straight three-foot putt for a par. I tried hitting it cross handed (I was desperate). I was on line, but left the three-foot putt short.
When the dust settled, Fort Belvoir had beaten the previously undefeated International Country Club 27-9. My partner, Art Brill, thanks to his great play, and I, defeated our opponents 2-1.
When you have a bad round, it is important to have an excuse. I had many. But if it hadn’t been for this experience, I might never have learned how to hit a knock-down driver shot.
When I got home, I found out that Tiger Woods shot a 42 on the first nine of the Players Championship and then withdrew citing knee and Achilles injuries. Karma’s a bitch.
Written by PJ Rice at www.ricequips.com
Baseball’s Enigma (The Nats)
Yes, I’m a Washington National fan. Hey, I live here. I grew up in the St. Louis area, so the Cardinals are numero uno, but when the Nats are not playing the Cards, I’m a big time Nats fan.
I thought about entitling this article, “Nats Hit Like Gnats.” But gnats can be pesky so I threw out that line. There may be a team in the league that hits worse than the Nats, but I’m too lazy to look it up. OK. OK. I looked it up and the Nats are the second worst. As a Team they are hitting .225 and the lowly San Diego Padres are hitting .217.
I wonder if San Diego has three starters batting below the Mendoza line? In last night’s line up, we started Adam La Roche (.181) at first base, Jerry Hairston (.190) in centerfield and Brian Bixler (.100) at third base. Egads. Hairston was playing for Rick Ankiel (.221). Ankiel is a former Cardinal and a great centerfielder. I said that last night each time the Phillies hit the ball over Hairston’s head.
In the outfield with Hairston were Jayson Werth (.226) and Mike Morse (.234). Morse strikes out 31% of the time. Sometimes he swings, sometimes he watches the last strike. Well, at 31%, he is well above the Adam Dunn line. Dunn struck out 199 times last season. I wonder if he was going for 200 and the ball got in the way of his bat. Dunn’s on a 40% pace this year, so if he stays healthy, he should rocket past 200.
Who have I left out of the starting line up? Danny Espinosa (.219) at second base, Ian Desmond (.235) at shortstop and Pudge Rodriguez (.234) behind the plate. Opposing pitchers must love to see the Nats come to town.
The question I had is do the Nats have a batting coach? And, shouldn’t somebody put him on a suicide watch? I looked him up and his name is Rick Eckstein. He never played big league ball, but his brother, David, did. So much for nepotism.
The announcers for the Nats never say anything bad about the team. Last year the color commentator, Ron Dibble, complained about some of the players and their bonehead moves and Dibble was fired. So now, when Morse takes a third strike, the announcer will say, “I think he had something in his eye.”
Here is where the egnima comes in. The Nats have won about half of their games! I can’t explain it. Timely hitting? Good base running? Great pitching? Smart defensive play? Getting rid of Nyger Morgan? Just lucky? Take your pick. But, somehow they have scratched out a number of wins.
Do the Nats have any good hitters? Yes, Ryan Zimmerman was hitting .357 before he tore an abdominal muscle sliding into a base and requiring surgery. Don’t get me started on head-first slides. If God had wanted us to slide head first, he would have put spikes on our caps.
Then there is a super young catcher named Wilson Ramos (.351). He divides up the catching duties with Pudge. I don’t blame Manager Jim Riggleman for playing both of them. Pudge is a future Hall of Famer and great for the morale of the team. It is just that Ramos is out hitting Pudge by 120 points and he is a hell of a player.
You want to know the up tick? Almost all our players have higher career batting averages than what they are hitting this year. Things have got to get better. LaRoche (.181) and Werth (.226) both have lifetime batting averages of .270. Maybe, just maybe, we are a warm weather team. I got that gem from our announcers.
Written by PJ Rice at www.ricequips.com
Governor William Donald Schaefer (1921-2011)
The State of Maryland lost a real character last week. Former Governor Schaefer died April 18, 2011. He was Governor from 1987 to 1995. Prior to that he had been the Mayor of Baltimore from 1971 to 1986.
As the Mayor of Baltimore he was responsible for turning the Baltimore Inner Harbor into an exciting tourist attraction. When the National Aquarium of Baltimore opened in 1981, Schaefer showed up in a 1920’s bathing suit.
I only met him once. We were holding a General Law Spring Conference of the ABA in Annapolis. Schaefer hosted a small group of us for cocktails in the governor’s mansion. He spoke to us for a short while. I don’t remember anything he said, but I came away thinking that he was impressive and humorous. He stood on the steps leading upstairs and we were gathered in a hallway below. I remember him introducing a woman to us who was not his wife. This confused me, but I confused easily.
I suspect Governor Schaefer didn’t know I was there. Yet, it was only a few years later when he wrote to the Secretary of Transportation, Andy Card about me. He advised Andy to keep a close eye on me because I was a troublemaker. He probably didn’t realize that I had had the opportunity earlier to swipe his silver, but had left the mansion with only my bride.
The problem came up in June of 1992 when the Maryland legislature passed a gas guzzler tax. New cars with terrible gas mileage (gas guzzlers) would pay a high tax when purchased. New cars with excellent gas milage would pay a much smaller tax.
I was Chief Counsel for the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) and we were responsible for regulating Corporate Average Fuel Economy (CAFE) for the automobile industry. When Congress gave us that authority, it also prohibited states from coming up with their own plans. You can see how frustrating it would be for the auto industry if each state could set its own fuel economy standards.
So I wrote a letter to Maryland’s Attorney General, Joseph Curran, Jr. explaining that their gas guzzler tax flew in the face of the Congressional mandate that the Federal government would regulate fuel economy. I realized that what Maryland had done was embarrassing, but I thought it was to their advantage to learn about their mistake as soon as possible.
Wow! I soon learned that when politics is involved, nothing is clear. From reading the Baltimore Sun, you would have thought that I was assembling troops just inside the DC border, getting ready to invade the State of Maryland. Then State Senator Chris Van Hollen accused the Bush Administration of attempting to take away Maryland’s taxing authority (In a later life, Chris and I were partners at Arent Fox). I was interviewed on National Public Radio (our tax dollars at work) wanting to know why the Federal government was prohibiting the sovereign State of Maryland from exercising their tax authority. I got the feeling that Van Hollen had written the questions. I explained that I had no problem with Maryland taxing whatever they wanted, as long as it didn’t, in fact, regulate fuel economy.
Attorney General Curran told the press that the law might have to be tweaked. Give me a break. The gas guzzler tax was dead on arrival. It had run out of fuel.
Then Secretary Card received a letter from Governor Schaefer blasting me as a troublemaker. Maybe I should have swiped his silver. By that time I had adopted P. T. Barnum’s approach to notoriety, “I don’t care what you say. Just spell my name right.”
This is how the bureaucracy works. When the Secretary’s office received the letter from Governor Schaefer regarding a NHTSA matter, they send it to NHTSA to prepare a response for the Secretary’s signature. When NHTSA sees that the letter involves a legal matter, they send it to the office of the Chief Counsel for a response. So guess who got to answer Governor Schaefer’s letter? Yours truly. I know that you are not the least surprised that Secretary Card thought that Paul Jackson Rice was doing an outstanding job as Chief Counsel.
Written by PJ Rice on www.ricequips.com
The Judge Says – Guest Writer for “Plain Talk”
Back in the early Eighties, along with being the Staff Judge Advocate at Fort Riley, I was writing weekly articles for the Post newspaper and the Junction City Daily Union. It is amazing how much you are wanted if you work for free. The Officers’ Wives Club was publishing a monthly paper called Plain Talk, and they asked me to contribute an article. Below is the first article I wrote for them. I wrote three articles for them before I was fired by the Commanding General’s wife because I was a male. I was disappointed that it took her so long to figure that out.
PLAIN TALK December 1981
The Judge Doesn’t Say
You want some plain talk? Well you’ve come to the right person. I used to fly on the DC-3 when they didn’t have the movies. I talked all the time because the magazines made me sick.
OK, are you ready for some plane talk? “The houses really look small.” “My ears just popped.” “They tell me my luggage will be on the next flight.” “Your bottom cushion is also a floating device” (They have seen you at the pool). “It’s really easy once you take the little brown bag away from your face.”
I could go on, but you’ll have to trust me. Nancy O’Malley asked me to talk about something you ladies were interested in. So I told her I would talk about Burt Reynolds shaving off his mustache on the Johnny Carson Show.
That wasn’t what she wanted. I suggested expanding into railroad talk (“the houses really are zipping by” and “are you sure this is a dry state?”), and boat talk (“gee, all the houses on the shore seem to be bobbing up and down”).
Well, here I am smack in the middle of this thing and I still haven’t figured out what to say. So I asked Carole to let me see the previous issues of Plain Talk. She had them all neatly filed in a three-ring notebook. Don’t you just hate people who are so well organized that all they do is act as a bad reminder?
Well, I looked through the first four issues. PT is really a neat publication! I would have been happier if I had not read the article on men’s fashions. The only good news is that my threads may come back in style in five or ten years.
I got a little tired of seeing Ro smiling at me [she was the wives club president]. I don’t know if you noticed, but in each issue Ro’s picture gets a little smaller. I think by March there will be nothing but teeth.
OK, that’s it. Now you know I had nothing to say and I said it. I think your paper is great and if I ever have a good thought, I’ll send it to PT.
Written by PJ Rice at www.ricequips.com
Will Tiger Woods Win a Major this Year?
According to CBS, there are only two monumental events left to occur this year. The Royal Wedding and the Masters. I’m not too concerned about the wedding, but the Masters signifies to those of us who live where there are four seasons that it is time to get our game together.
The Masters is also the first of the four major tournaments. Tiger had won 14 majors. Will he win number 15 this year? I think not.
It’s all about Karma. I didn’t know much about Karma until I started watching the TV show “My Name is Earl.” It was a sitcom with a deep underlying message. Earl won $100,000 in the lottery and in his excitement got hit by a car and lost the lottery ticket. While laid up in the hospital, a nurse explained to him that he probably had bad Karma for all the bad things he had done in his lifetime. He bought into that thesis (and so do I), and made himself a list of all the bad things he had done. He spent the next four seasons trying to right all his wrongs. I lost interest in season two, so I don’t know how it all turned out. I think Earl and the audience were put out of their misery when the show was canceled.
Anyway, I think Tiger has bad Karma. And when I remembered that Tiger’s father’s name was Earl, it all came together. Tiger, Karma, Earl. Earl, Karma, Tiger. Just like Harry Bosch, I don’t believe in coincidences.
So Tiger needs to make a list. I have no idea how long the list needs to be, but I don’t think he is going to be able to rectify all the bad Karma this year. Let’s see, there would be his wife, Elin. I don’t think that apology went too well (and he paid dearly). Then there are all the sweet things to whom he whispered that he truly had feelings for them. At least the porn stars will be easy to find.
I believe it was in 1997 when he was interviewed after winning a tournament that he told the interviewer and the world that he didn’t have his “A” game that week. Put all the other players in the tournament on the list Tiger. You basically said, “I can beat all of you with my “B” game.
Put me on the list too. Tiger told the world that he didn’t have anyone helping him. He was the only one responsible for making these affairs happen. I’m thinking, how stupid does he think we are? He had to have facilitators to assist him, to cover for him.
When he apologized to the nation, he looked me right in the eye and said Elin hadn’t hit him with a 5 iron. Well, even though they are now divorced, she is still the mother of his children and he would want to protect her. Plus, I’m pretty sure it was a 9 iron.
It is unimaginable that Tiger has not returned to his winning ways. But, we all know that golf is a head game and bad Karma or no, Tiger has a head problem. It impacts all golfers at one time or another. I’ll give you an example. A player is having a great day – best ever. Then, on the 8th green, he misses a three-foot putt. All the great golf psychologists will tell you, “forget about it – you have been playing great – put that little putt out of your mind – concentrate on your next shot.” But all golfers know what happens on the next tee box. The poor schmuck doesn’t have a chance. He should be pleased if he keeps the ball in bounds and finds it.
Well, Tiger has done a lot worse than missing a three-foot putt. He lied and got caught. He cheated on his wife and got caught. And now, even worse, he has been caught spitting on a green! Tiger, put the greens keeper on your list.
Written by PJ Rice on www.ricequips.com
Bombing Libya – Then What?
I’m confused about us going to war with Libya. You say war, what war? Well, firing a hundred plus missiles into another country is an act of war. I am certain that the leaders of this country know this.
During the Cuban Missile Crises, we imposed a quarantine around Cuba and not a blockade, because a blockade constituted an act of war. But that was 50 years ago. Now, we just cut loose.
I have no use for Mommar Gaddafi. I think he is a tyrant and a murderer, and if he were blown in to 1,000 pieces, I would be pleased. I might even go as low at 200 pieces.
What I see in Libya is an internal uprising. I see a revolution against Gaddafi. I support it, but I don’t understand where we have the right to fire missiles into another sovereign, albeit tyrannical, nation. The justification is that Gaddafi is slaughtering his own people. When you have a revolution and internal forces attempt to overthrow their miserable leader, I would expect the miserable leader to fight back. He obviously has and very successfully. And those people he is slaughtering are the people who are trying to overthrow him (and most likely execute him). None of this startles me.
It’s great to have missiles and air superiority. But, if Gaddafi has superior forces on the ground, he will probably put down this internal revolt.
Did President Obama think these things through before he committed our nation? What I am hearing is the US is only taking charge for a little while and then we will turn it over to NATO forces. What does that mean? Does that mean that we will bow out or just step back. I suspect NATO will enforce a no-fly zone while Gaddafi forces wipe out the opposition. I wish our President would have consulted with Congress before authorizing this act of war.
Bill O’Reilly says it’s OK to do it because Gaddafi ordered the bombing of Pan Am 103 over Lockerbie, Scotland. Maybe we should indict him – Gaddafi that is. But the Administration says it’s to keep him from slaughtering his own people – “innocent civilians” (who are trying to overthrow him).
At this time I was going to quote Colin Powell on only going to war when you have overwhelming power, understand the objectives and definitely have an end game to close out the matter. In looking Powell up on the internet so that I could make sure I had the quote correct, I read that Powell supported Obama for President. He thought Obama would provide fresh eyes to look at the issues.
After reading that, I no longer concerned myself with getting the quote right. I’ll bet Powell is feeling pretty stupid right now.
Written by PJ Rice on www.ricequips.com
Carole Jeanne Valentine
One thing for sure, if you are going to marry a gal named Valentine, you better take St. Valentine’s Day seriously. I did and I do.
I guess we started dating way back in 1955. We got married in 1959 and until this year, she could always count on a Valentine’s Day card from me. Sometimes flowers, sometimes candy or dinner, but always a card. That is until this year.
In early February, we were traveling in Florida. By the 7th of February, we were at Disney World. It was shortly after our arrival that I realized I had no card for Carole. I started nosing around gift shops and refreshment areas, but there were no St. Valentine’s Day cards. I spoke to our concierge – no luck (No, I don’t want a post card!). If parents wanted to spend $500 on their eight-year-old daughter making her into a princess, no problem. But try to find a Valentine’s Day card.
I panicked. I thought about making a card, but my talents don’t run in that direction. I am more of a stick figure artist. Would Carole have a card for me? Oh yes. She, in her maddeningly efficient way, probably picked it out in early January.
Then, I realized that I write a Christmas poem every year. Why not write her a St. Valentine’s Day poem? I did and it solved the problem. The trick is to write from the heart. Here is what I wrote:
It’s Valentine’s Day and I want you to know,
Having you with me makes everything go.
You’ve captured my heart, and captured my soul,
When you’re not close by, I don’t even feel whole.
So, I love you so much and I just want to say,
Have a Happy, Happy St. Valentine’s Day.
(This was done by a professional. Please do not try this at home).
Written by PJ Rice on ricequips.com
The Judge Says – This Racket is Really Tough
June 4, 1982
This journalism racket is really tough. I had no idea that there was a grand scheme behind smacking print on paper.
You know I’m a lawyer by profession and I’m doing what I always wanted to do. After 19 years of plugging away, I am finally a Staff Judge Advocate here at Fort Riley. I have 20 attorneys working for me. And, that probably makes me the head of the largest law firm in Kansas. But cracking the newspaper business is another game.
After I got to where I felt comfortable writing The Judge Says, I decided to branch out into Junction City’s finest, The Daily Union. Each Tuesday, I would carry my little column down to the editor. He would read it and then tell me it was too long or too short (no such problem with the Post paper). Sometimes he would just ask me what in the world I was talking about..
Two weeks ago, I wrote about the Army’s silly name changing game (“recruits” are not called “trainees” so they can learn faster). And when I came to a particularly meaningless change, I would insert in parentheses, “humma, humma.” Later, I vented my concern for conservationism with a “humma, humma, humma.”
The editor was concerned whether all his reading public would understand humma, humma. I advised that some would and those who didn’t probably wouldn’t lose any sleep over it.
He thought it was inappropriate to use technical military terms such as humma, humma, in a civilian newspaper. I explained that hassle was originally a military term which was now in common usage. And early use of the term humma, humma would just give the Junction Citonians a leg up on the rest of the nation.
As I was leaving, I told him to do what he felt was best. But, by the time I got home for lunch, I had the solution. I called and told him if he would agree to leave the humma, hummus in, I would write the next weeks column explaining what humma, humma meant. Then the editor became concerned about his reading public being confused for an entire week (tough and subtle racket). I reassured him that anyone who reads my column expects to be a little confused.
Well, the humma, humma didn’t make it that week, but I still felt compelled to explain the term. Hence, this column. Then, to my total disbelief, I discovered that humma, humma was not in the Army dictionary (I found HUMRRO, which is a lot closer than I want to talk about).
So now I’ll just have to give you my definition. But I’m uncertain whether humma, humma doesn’t have more than one meaning (like foot). It may depend upon whether the accent is on the first or second humma.
I believe it means much to do about nothing. The grand overplay of something insignificant. My discussions with the editor would be a good example. But the best example is this week’s column (humma, humma).
Real Redskin Excitement
Yes, I am a Redskin fan. Not a happy one. One who suffers through the season. I say things like, “If they don’t care, why should I.” Then something goes right and I get all excited – just to be disappointed again.
I am old enough to remember all the excitement with the “over-the-hill gang.” Watching Billy Kilmer (Old Furnace Face) follow his stomach up to the line of scrimmage. Then there were the Super Bowl victories in the 80’s and early 90’s. The glory days. It’s been about 20 years.
Ever since Dan Snyder bought the team, it has been a joke. And I don’t think it will change as long as he is in there tinkering (like a little kid with a toy – when he gets mad, he breaks it). Does he want a Super Bowl team? Desperately. Does he have a clue? Absolutely not. Letting his crony, Vinny Cerreto, run the team. Hiring Jim Zorn as the coach; then shaming him in the middle of the season to try to get him to quit (just to save some money). Everything seems to be more about Snyder than the team.
Then it dawned on me. There is still an exciting Redskin season every year. It starts in February and runs till late summer. It is only when they take the field against an opponent that I see the house of cards crumbling.
But during the off season, all kinds of exciting things happen. Like getting a new coach. Since Snyder took over, we get a new head coach on average better than once every two years. Exciting names like Shottenheimer, Spurrier and Gibbs. Marty Shottenheimer lost the first five games his only season with us (So did Joe Gibbs before he took us to the Super Bowl). He had a reputation for being a tough, successful coach. Some of the players complained that he wasn’t treating them with the respect they deserved. After he convinced them that he was in charge, they won eight of their last 11 games. Snyder fired him.
Snyder brought in Steve Spurrier, the Ball Coach. I had always been a Spurrier fan. It turned out he wasn’t ready for pro ball. He seemed to be clueless. Everyone in the stadium, the announcers and even the TV fans could see a blitz coming. But the Ball Coach had called a deep pass and that was that. Before the wide receiver even made his break, the quarterback was on his rear. At the end of the first year (7-9), I was still convinced that the Ball Coach would turn things around. I said, “He was duped and he is too good a coach to let that happen two years in a row. We won five games the next season. The Ball Coach took his $50 million and joined the Augusta Country Club.
Joe Gibbs will always be my favorite coach. But even he couldn’t win with Snyder looking over his shoulder. Poor Jim Zorn. He happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time when Snyder had chased away all the legitimate candidates for head coach. Zorn had the same two-year record as the Ball Coach (12-20)!
Now we have Mike Shanahan. While his first season was 6 & 10, we Redskin fans never give up hope. Onward and upward.
Changing coaches isn’t the only thing that happens in the best part of our season. Two years ago, we paid $100 million for Albert Haynesworth. That was exciting. The problem was he was out of shape and didn’t play that much (he got tired). Then, when Coach Shanahan came on board, we switched to a 3/4 defense (three men down and four linebackers). Haynesworth would have been a pretty good nose tackle (plays right over the offensive center), but he didn’t want to play that position. Shanahan made all of his players pass a physical fitness test to show they were in shape. Haynesworth failed and failed and failed. Breaking news in the DC area was Albert had passed the test and could now practice. Then, he announced he only wanted to play on passing downs. Things went down hill fast. Then, he told the GM that he wanted no more direct contact with Coach Shanahan! Goodbye Albert.
Last year during the exciting part of our season, we traded for Donovan McNabb. We were getting a Pro-Bowl quarterback. The problem was that a good QB needs a good line in front of him. We didn’t have one. Shanahan inexplicably benched McNabb in the Detroit game (which we still had a chance to win & McNabb had a reputation for bringing his team back). Of course, we lost. The very next week, Snyder signed Donovan to an extended $78.5 million contract. Donovan should have read the fine print. Only $3.5 million was guaranteed and I suspect that is all McNabb will see.
Now we have the draft coming up. That’s an important part of our exciting non-playing season. Of course, we usually have traded away our draft picks. This year we have our first and second round picks, but no third or fourth round picks. And who will we pick? A QB? A wide receiver? I hope not. We desperately need someone who plays in the sand on offense or defense. We can use help in both places.
I have to go and start thinking about the draft. Egads, this is exciting. I shouldn’t have another set back until the first pre-season game.