You know what brings the duffer back?  It’s on the last hole of another disastrous round when the club goes back and then comes through perfectly and the ball jumps in the air and rises like a rocket.  It heads straight down the fairway or heads straight for the green.  Everyone is spell bound and the player says, “See, I knew I would figure it out,” or “Why can’t I do that more often?”

If golf came in a carton, there would be a warning on the outside.  I have been a serious golfer all my life.  As soon as a young kid takes a swing and the ball jumps off the club and takes flight, going higher, faster and farther then ever before, the poor kid is hooked.  It may have been his twelfth attempt and the first time the ball actually got airborne, but it doesn’t matter.  So being a serious golfer doesn’t necessarily make one a good golfer and I have spent most of my life being a duffer. 

I decided if I were going to use the word duffer, I ought to look it up.  I did and in Australia it means a cattle rustler.  If I go back to Australia, I won’t mention that I am a duffer.  The dictionary also said that a duffer is an incompetent, ineffectual or clumsy person.  Well, for most of my golfing life, I have been definitely ineffectual (clumsy for sure; incompetent at times).

I envy those people who pick up a golf club and immediately swing it with poise and grace.  In my hands, it was like a medieval weapon.  Oh, I was serious alright.  Muscles tight.  Ripping big chunks out of the golf course.  Hitting just enough good shots to bring me back (does that sound familiar?).  One of the things that has saved me money is the present quality of the balls.  Now, when I lift my head and cut into the ball, it no longer smiles at me.

About ten years ago, at the age of 64, I attended a three-day golf school at the World Golf Village in St Augustine, Florida.  It was a good thing it was three days, because the first two days were a disaster.  They had lots of teaching equipment.  Nothing seemed to help me.  The instructor refused to let me try a club with a hinge in the shaft.  He was afraid I would hurt myself.

On the third day, as a last gasp, he put a velcro strap around my chest, which was attached to a bungee cord that was attached to the end of the handle of a 6 iron.  He told me to hit the ball while keeping the bungee cord taunt.  I failed to keep it taunt on the backswing.  Then I kept it taunt on the backswing, but not on the downswing.  I began to understand why he didn’t want me messing around with the hinged club.  I explained to him that if I kept the cord taunt, I would hit the ground about six inches behind the ball.  Then, we had a discussion as to who was the instructor and who was the student.  So, keeping my bungee cord taunt, I swung back and through and SHAZAM, I hit the ball.  I was like a kid with a new toy.  Most of all, I knew there was hope.

Next month, I am heading down to the David Leadbetter Golf Academy (LGA) at Championgate, Orlando, Florida, for a two-day retreat.  The neat thing about the retreat is they let me pick the two days.  I was there in 2009 and 2011 and my golf instructor each time was Andrew Park.  Andrew is from Johannesburg, South Africa.   Since my last retreat, he has assisted Andy Zhang to become the youngest competitor in the 2012 US Open.  He also coached Sandra Gal, who won the KIA Classic and Sun Young Yeo who won the Kraft Nabisco Major.

About three months ago, I was informed by Leadbetter Golf Academy that Andrew was no longer there and asked me to select another instructor.  I asked where Andrew went and, of course, they said they didn’t know.  That’s the standard answer.  He had vanished!  If I wanted to continue lessons with Andrew, I would have to find him myself.  Well, I selected an Irishman named Sean Hogan (no relation to Ben) from Dublin.  I told them he would be fine, but I didn’t want to hear any crap about the Ryder Cup.  Hey, I’m the one who’s paying.  Two weeks ago, I received an email from Brittany, my LGA pen pal.  It appears that Sean will not be in Florida when I am scheduled for my lesson.  So I gave in and responded to Brittany telling her that Sean could jerk me around about the Ryder Cup if he wanted.  No dice.  Other instructors were offered to me and I selected Bob Lohr.  Believe me, any of the guys are over qualified to teach me.

Just three days ago, I received another email from Brittany.  I thought, “On no, Bob Lohr has bailed on me.”  But it turned out to be just general distribution  information that they sent of everybody.  It congratulated Na Yeon Choi for winning a ladies tournament in Naples, Florida.  She is, of course, coached by an LGA instructor.  AND, it welcomed back “instructor Andrew Park to the LGA team after a brief sabbatical.” They told me they didn’t know where he was and now it turns out he was on a “brief sabbatical.”

I went online and found out that in 2012, there was a website entitled Andrew Park Golf Academy.  I guess that’s where he was when no one could find him.  I called Brittany and asked her if I could have Andrew as my instructor.  She advised me that he was booked up on one of my days and out of town on the other.  It seems to me that if he didn’t want to instruct me there were easier ways to get out of it than disappearing for six months.

I think Bob Lohr is going to work out fine because he’s a good old American boy.  That solves some problems.  If Andrew were to be my instructor again, we would be studying Earnie Els swing ad nauseam.  If Sean were my instructor – Ryder Cup, Ryder Cup!  I wonder if Bob like country music?

Written by PJ Rice at www.ricequips.com

I’ve always loved golf and for the first 50 years of my life, I was clueless and horrible.  I was a fairly good athlete in baseball, football, soccer, volleyball, ping pong – you name it.  But the things that made me good in those sports didn’t seem to help in golf.  Being a ball of aggressive energy ready to attack doesn’t help the golf swing.

About 10 years ago, I started going to golf schools in Florida, and little by little, I have learned about the golf swing.  On many occasions, I can actually make it work.  I no longer feel hopelessly frightened standing over the ball.  That’s important!

I am still grasping to find the “secret” to improve my game.  I subscribe to golf magazines.  They have articles that promise 20 extra yards on my drive and that I will never three putt again (that can be accomplished by always missing the third putt).  I have a closet full of swing devices that are supposed to solve all my problems.  The only one I don’t have is the club with the hinge in the middle of the shaft.  A pro told me not to buy it, because he was afraid I would hurt myself.

I also have a wide range of how-to-play-golf books.  I know some of them are really good, but you can’t learn to play the violin by reading a book.  When Carole and I go to our favorite used book store, I migrate over to the sports/golf section.  Two weeks ago, I found a book that I thought might help.  It was entitled, “Golf – The Mind Factor.”  It was written by Darren Clarke and a sport’s psychologist, Dr. Karl Morris.

Clarke is from Northern Ireland and the first two chapters seemed devoted to how great it was for the Europeans to beat the Americans in the Ryder Cup.  If I had been smart I would have stopped right there.  But I was looking for that little gem that would help my game.  There was a chapter entitled, “The master key: Correct breathing.”  The next time I went out, I took a deep breath before each shot.  I must not have been doing it right.  At the very end of the book, they mentioned that taking a couple deep breaths to get  rid of negativity and reduce the emotional charge “is completely ineffective.”  It’s not the breathing in that’s important, it’s the breathing out.  I thought they kind of went together.

This book was written in 2005 before Tiger Woods wrecked any SUVs.  They thought Tiger personified confidence.  They liked the way he walked down the fairway.  The message was if I walked down the fairway like Tiger Woods, then I would play better.  I’m not buying it.  Of course, I watched the press conference.

They asked me to reflect on my most embarrassing experience on a golf course.  The message was to forget the bad experiences and remember the good ones.  Most people do exactly the opposite.  My most embarrassing was down at Walt Disney World many years back.  I took a lesson right before I played.  The pro noticed I was dipping my front knee on my back swing.  This lead to a reverse pivot and to me falling backwards as I was hitting the ball.  To solve the problem, the pro had me start my swing with most of my weight on my back foot.  When I got to the golf course, I tried his approach with a fairway wood.  I swung over the ball and smacked it with the bottom of the club.  The ball went straight up into the air.  I had to step smartly out of the way to keep from being hit.  After that, I decided to forget about the lesson until I had a chance to practice.

I’m giving the book one star out of five.  I’d have given it a star and a half if they hadn’t slammed the American Ryder Cup team.  The only thing about the book that excites me is that I am pretty sure that I can sell it back to the used book store for half price.

Written by PJ Rice at www.ricequips.com

Thursdays are match days.  We at Fort Belvoir are members of the Northern Virginia Retired Mens Golf Association.  So almost every Thursday starting in late March and running through September, we play a golf match with one of the Northern Virginia country clubs.

I start getting ready on Wednesday.  I assemble all my gear (clubs, bag, shoes, etc.) and put it in the trunk of my car.  Two years ago, I arrived at the golf club without my clubs.  So now, I do it on Wednesday.

This Wednesday was out of sync.  We had a crew spring cleaning our yard.  I had both cars parked in the street so they could dump mulch in the driveway.  The clean up went well, but as they were leaving, I went down the back steps to make sure the gates were closed.  I didn’t make it.  I was pretty close to the bottom when I started falling.  This may sound stupid, but I believe there is an art in falling and not getting hurt.  I consider myself a master.

On this occasion, I was out of control.  But still I was twisting and turning.  When I finally bottomed out, I had scraped my head, shoulder, elbow, knee and butt; not necessarily in that order.  I lay there for about a minute gathering myself.  When I finally got up, I assumed my golfing stance and took a practice swing.  I may have been hurting, but if I could swing a club, then all was well.  All was well.  Another bullet had been dodged.  Following orders, I dutifully sprayed Bactine all over my body.

The next morning at 7:30, I marched out of my house for my 9:00 match.  My car would not start.  The battery was dead as a door nail.  I raced back upstairs.  Carole was getting a permanent at noon time, but she told me I could take her car.  She would hitch a ride with a neighbor.  I went back to the garage to move my clubs from my car to hers.  Then I realized that with my keyless 2009 Infiniti, if the battery is dead, you can’t open the trunk.  My clubs, my shoes, my golfing glasses were locked in the trunk.  I climbed into the backseat with a flashlight.  I knew there was a hole about the center arm rest.  I found the hole, but could do nothing with it.

Carole suggested finding my starter cables and jump starting the car.  Great idea.  After searching for ten minutes, I concluded that my starter cables were in the trunk with my golf clubs.

Carole then reminded me that I had a lot of extra clubs in the basement.  Another great idea.  I called my team Captain, Peter Huhn, and told him I would miss the 8:00 check in time, but I would be there for the match.

In the basement I found my Ping G-2 driver and my Ping nickel ISI irons.  I was happy with those clubs.  The grips were a little slick, but who cares.  I had three putters and selected two of them.  Then, I decided to take only one so as to be decisive.  I selected an old reliable Acushnet Bulls-Eye putter.  My problem was fairway woods.  As I bought new fairway woods, I gave my old ones to my son, Paul.  The only clubs I had were 1970 vintage.  These were not metal woods, but wood woods with persimmon heads.  The 3 and 5 wood heads looked tiny and the shafts were stiff as iron rods.  But that was my fate.

I made it to the club with 35 minutes to spare.  I saved time by not putting on golf shoes, or changing glasses because I had none.  I raced out to the driving range to get accustomed to the clubs.  The driver worked.  Nothing else was comfortable.  Then I went to the putting green and nothing worked.  My regular putter is a Scotty Cameron mallet head and has some weight in it.  The old Bulls-Eye was exactly the opposite.  What a dummy!

I don’t think you are up to a hole by hole accounting of my round.  I would love to tell you I had a great round, but I didn’t.  I would have had a decent round if it hadn’t have been for the putter.  I missed at least six three to five foot putts.  Toward the end, on a par 3, I had a straight three-foot putt for a par.  I tried hitting it cross handed (I was desperate).  I was on line, but left the three-foot putt short.

When the dust settled, Fort Belvoir had beaten the previously undefeated International Country Club 27-9.  My partner, Art Brill, thanks to his great play, and I, defeated our opponents 2-1.

When you have a bad round, it is important to have an excuse.  I had many.  But if it hadn’t been for this experience, I might never have learned how to hit a knock-down driver shot.

When I got home, I found out that Tiger Woods shot a 42 on the first nine of the Players Championship and then withdrew citing knee and Achilles injuries.  Karma’s a bitch.

Written by PJ Rice at www.ricequips.com

According to CBS, there are only two monumental events left to occur this year.  The Royal Wedding and the Masters.  I’m not too concerned about the wedding, but the Masters signifies to those of us who live where there are four seasons that it is time to get our game together.

The Masters is also the first of the four major tournaments.  Tiger had won 14 majors.  Will he win number 15 this year?  I think not.

It’s all about Karma.  I didn’t know much about Karma until I started watching the TV show “My Name is Earl.”  It was a sitcom with a deep underlying message.  Earl won $100,000 in the lottery and in his excitement got hit by a car and lost the lottery ticket.  While laid up in the hospital, a nurse explained to him that he probably had bad Karma for all the bad things he had done in his lifetime.  He bought into that thesis (and so do I), and made himself a list of all the bad things he had done.  He spent the next four seasons trying to right all his wrongs.  I lost interest in season two, so I don’t know how it all turned out.  I think Earl and the audience were put out of their misery when the show was canceled.

Anyway, I think Tiger has bad Karma.  And when I remembered that Tiger’s father’s name was Earl, it all came together.  Tiger, Karma, Earl.   Earl, Karma, Tiger.  Just like Harry Bosch, I don’t believe in coincidences.

So Tiger needs to make a list.  I have no idea how long the list needs to be, but I don’t think he is going to be able to rectify all the bad Karma this year.  Let’s see, there would be his wife, Elin.  I don’t think that apology went too well (and he paid dearly).  Then there are all the sweet things to whom he whispered that he truly had feelings for them.  At least the porn stars will be easy to find.

I believe it was in 1997 when he was interviewed after winning a tournament that he told the interviewer and the world that he didn’t have his “A” game that week.  Put all the other players in the tournament on the list Tiger.  You basically said, “I can beat all of you with my “B” game.

Put me on the list too.  Tiger told the world that he didn’t  have anyone helping him.  He was the only one responsible for making these affairs happen.  I’m thinking, how stupid does he think we are?  He had to have facilitators to assist him, to cover for him.

When he apologized to the nation, he looked me right in the eye and said Elin hadn’t hit him with a 5 iron.  Well, even though they are now divorced, she is still the mother of his children and he would want to protect her.  Plus, I’m pretty sure it was a 9 iron.

It is unimaginable that Tiger has not returned to his winning ways.  But, we all know that golf is a head game and bad Karma or no, Tiger has a head problem.  It impacts all golfers at one time or another.  I’ll give you an example.  A player is having a great day – best ever.  Then, on the 8th green, he misses a three-foot putt.  All the great golf psychologists will tell you, “forget about it – you have been playing great – put that little putt out of your mind – concentrate on your next shot.”  But all golfers know what happens on the next tee box.  The poor schmuck doesn’t have a chance.  He should be pleased if he keeps the ball in bounds and finds it.

Well, Tiger has done a lot worse than missing a three-foot putt.  He lied and got caught.  He cheated on his wife and got caught.  And now, even worse, he has been caught spitting on a green!  Tiger, put the greens keeper on your list.

Written by PJ Rice on www.ricequips.com

In May of last year, I wrote an article entitled, “Fort Belvoir is Gobbling Up Golf Courses.”  This dealt with the Army’s decision to site the Army Museum (NMUSA) on the front nine of the Gunston Golf Course.

The Army published a draft Environmental Assessment (EA) back in October 2008.  I don’t want to get too technical, but the Army is required to assess the environmental impact before they start big projects like the museum.  The Environmental Assessment covers more than just soil, plants and animals.  The Army must also look at the socioeconomic impact and how it will impact on the morale and welfare of the troops and dependents.  Their conclusion that 27 holes rather than 36 holes for the golfing community at Fort Belvoir would be plenty was void of evaluation and reasoning.  And, guess what?  After we (Concerned MWR Patrons) submitted our comments, the Army withdrew their draft EA and went back to the drawing board.

It has been two years since the original draft EA.  Last month the Army tried again in a new and improved draft EA.  This time it includes reconfiguring the golf courses to keep 36 holes.  It also states that the Army Historical Foundation (AHF) (the group building the museum) will pay to reconfigure the golf courses.  Now that’s progress.

We are moving in the right direction, but we aren’t there yet.  Unfortunately, the draft EA is internally inconsistent.  In one place it stated the golf courses will be reconfigured first (“The Army anticipates that reconfiguration of the North Post Golf Course golf holes would start in advance of the museum construction.”).  In another place, it states the new holes will come last (“the Army would construct new holes and redesign the North Post Golf Corse to return to 36 holes in a timely manner following the construction of the NMUSA.”).  What’s going on?  Too many cooks in the kitchen?

If none of this is making any sense, I would recommend that you stop reading.  It is just going to get worse.

The requirement to reconfigure the golf courses is called a “mitigating measure.”  If the Army can mitigate the problems created by museum construction, such as tearing up the golf courses, then they can preclude any significant impact on the environment and will not have to prepare on Environmental Impact Statement (EIS).  Preparing an EIS is a pain and the Army doesn’t want to go there.

Federal environmental regulations prohibit doing mitigating measures after the fact (32 CFR Part 651.15 (c)).  So the language “in a timely manner following the construction of the NMUSA” is a joke.  Mitigation after the fact is no mitigation at all.  The Army ought to know this.  If we can read the Federal regulations, so can they.

My biggest concern is that the Army starts construction, tears up the Gunston front nine and then, because of lack of funds, the project just drags on.  This is not idle speculation.  Hopefully Congress won’t appropriate any MCA funds until the AHF has the money to finish the job.

The regulations also require the Army to keep “interested parties” informed as to what is going on.  On this matter, they have a long list of interested parties.  Guess who is not on the list?  That’s right, the Concerned MWR Patrons.  We have asked to be put on the list.  We clearly fall under the definition of an interested party.  They just won’t do it.  I know we have been a thorn in their side, but it is a self-inflicted wound.  In the words of my wife, they should “get over it.”  If they can’t figure out that we are an interested party, then I can certainly understand why they can’t seem to get anything else right.  I just hope I am not writing about the litigation of this matter two years from now in Part 3.

Newsflash – The Concerned MWR Patrons have submitted their comments to the Army and you can find them at www.concernedmwrpatrons.org.

In this October’s issue of Golf Digest, they have 30 pages addressing “Why you can’t putt.”  It was hyped as “the ultimate guide to make you great on the greens.”  I knew it was nonsense, but it got my attention.

I don’t know about golf magazines.  Sure, I subscribe, but do they help my game?  I don’t think it helps me to learn what clubs some pro has in his bag.  I am certain that if all his clubs are TaylorMade, then they are paying him to play with their clubs.  I don’t object to the system.  In fact, I would play with Walmart clubs if they would pay me.

The 30 pages on putting turned out to be a series of articles.  One was an extensive study of the brain.  It included colored pictures of the brains of players putting.  Players with their brains colored red were not doing as well as players with brains colored blue.  Red indicated the player was thinking of missing the putt or concentrating too much on mechanics.  Blue indicated focus on the target or “feel.”  I’ve decided my new mantra on the putting green will be, “think blue, think blue.”

One helpful hint was, if you are standing on your tip toes, your putter may be too long.  Another is, if you are leaving your putts short, you may not be hitting them on the center of the club, which is referred to as the “sweet spot” (or you may not be hitting the ball hard enough).  Their answer is to get a larger putter that has a weighted outside frame.  My answer is to hit the ball on the sweet spot.  I can see the need for more forgiving irons when taking a full swing, but for putting?  You seldom take the putter back 12 inches.

I’m not too swift, so some of this stuff just went over my head.  On reading greens (something I would like to do better), I’m supposed to find the “zero line.”  I think that is something like the green’s Continental Divide.  On one side of the line, everything flows to the Atlantic, and on the other side, the Pacific.  I figured out that if you are on the Pacific side, the ball will break to the left.  Atlantic side – right.  I wish I had known this sooner.  I think this new found knowledge, coupled with a blue brain, may take some of the challenge out of the game.

There’s an article  by Mike Shannon, entitled “How to roll every putt on line.”  No, it’s not the Mike Shannon I knew at Mizzou back in 1958.  He went on to play third base for the St. Louis Cardinals and now broadcasts their games.  The golf-instructing Mike says that 35% of golfers see a straight line when they putt and 65% see a curved line.  I guess my problem is that I don’t know which group I am in.  I think I will go with the curved lines.  That way I have a 65% chance of being right.  OK, are you ready for my system?  I look at the hole and decide if I putt the ball directly at the hole how many inches will I miss on the low side.  Then, I putt that number of inches above the hole.  If I miss, I blame it on the speed of the green.

One of the really helpful bits of information was that if you really want to be a great putter, you need to start before you are ten years old.  And, you need to seriously putt for at least two hours every day.  There goes the piano lessons.  So what comes next?  What do I have to do to be a better than average putter?

There was an article that stated that men were better putters than women.  They threw in a lot of statistics so they wouldn’t sound sexist.  It didn’t work.  But they do have the valid point that men seem to have more competition and are playing for more money.  Then along comes Dr. Satoshi Kanazawa, an evolutionary psychologist.  He states, and I quote, “Throughout evolutionary history, women have been attracted to winners of competitions.  A man believes that if he wins, he’s going to get laid.”  So this is the reason men play better than women?  Doctor K., how you think and talk.  I am wondering why there is a need for an evolutionary psychologist at the London School of Economics.  I’ll bet Dr K. really felt smug when Tiger was exposed.  “See, see!”

The bottom line is that the articles have made me a better putter.  Not because of anything written, but because I became curious about the other Mike Shannon.  It turns out Mike is quite a putting instructor and has a number of putting videos on golfersmd.com.  His instruction is great and the price is right.  The irony is that if his name had been anything other than Mike Shannon, I wouldn’t have looked him up.  I certainly didn’t look up weird Doctor Kanazawa.

The only thing worse than losing a golf ball is sometimes finding it.  The other day, after looking for my ball for over four minutes, I found it.  I could identify it as mine.  I just couldn’t retrieve it.  No, it wasn’t in water.  It was a cruel thicket.  Thorns and poison ivy.  I declared the ball not only unplayable, but unrecoverable.  It still lays there as a monument to bad luck.

I am one of those unusual golfers who acknowledges that what went wrong was probably my fault.  Whenever the ball is in a bad spot, I just say to myself, “hell, you hit it there.”  I am convinced most golfers are trained never to acknowledge a mistake.  “I never should have swung with that butterfly sitting on my ball.”  “Did you hear that noise at the top of my backswing?”  Or, on the green: “Did you see that ball jump?  “It must have hit something.”  “Something bit me.”  You have to give them “A” for inventiveness.  When I got home from my bad round, I found a good size rock wedged between the spikes on my right heel.  It probably affected my balance.

Is this a head game or what?  Tiger at Firestone is a classic.  Woods had won on Firestone seven times.  The course was made for Tiger’s game.  So what does he do this year?  He shot four rounds over par with a 78 on Sunday.  It’s time to borrow Tin Cup’s psychologist.  On second thought, never mind.

I had a good round going a while back.  Everything was in sync.  Good contact, good direction, and chips rolling close to the hole.  Then, I missed an 18-inch putt.  It must have hit something, because the ball darted off to the left.  Well, regardless of fault, that was the end of my good game.  Bad contact, bad direction and chips just dribbling onto the green.

All the books say, forget about the bad shot.  Move forward.  Concentrate on the next hole.  Blah, blah, blah.  I decided what I had done wrong (it was me) and what I needed to do on the next short putt.  Unfortunately, my next short putt was for a double bogey.

I’m 130 yards from the green and there is a sand bunker right in front of the green.  I hit a crisp iron and the ball lands on the fringe between the bunker and the green.  It trickles forward and rolls down toward the pin.  What a great shot!  But the same crisp shot could have landed six inches shorter in the same fringe and rolled back into the bunker, finally settling in a foot print where some jerk had failed to rake the bunker.  I guess that’s a bad shot.  And that six inches may be the difference between feeling good or bad about yourself.  I think the really good players have figured this out.  I’m still working at it.

After I got home, I found out that Mike Thomas, editor of www.DCguide.com is picking up my blogs and publishing them on their web site.  That made me feel good and anyway, I think I know what I did wrong on that 18-inch putt.