Any One for Tea?



I quit drinking coffee about 30 years ago.  I don’t think I ever really liked coffee.  It was just a right of passage.  When you grow up, you get to drink coffee.  Since I didn’t like the taste, I used to heap sugar in the cup.  Two or three teaspoons of sugar and it tasted OK, but they had to be heaping teaspoons.

Well, I was at a Rotary meeting in Junction City, Kansas.  It was time to get some coffee so we could stay awake during the speaker.  I asked a retired general sitting across from me if he would like a cup.  For the next five minutes, I was regaled with his story about how coffee made his hand shake.  He quit drinking coffee and his hand stopped shaking.  You just got the short, less dramatic, version.  The story made quite an impact on me.  In fact, I was having trouble heaping sugar into my cup because my hand was shaking.

I know that none of this makes sense, but there it is.  Was I just reacting to a thought that had been embedded in my thick skull?  I just don’t know.  And, of course, when I stopped drinking coffee, my hand stopped shaking.  So no more coffee.  That meant I could never be the lead character in a fictional crime novel.

So, just like that, I became a tea drinker.  Some of my friends said, “But, tea has caffeine too.”  It didn’t matter because my hand no longer shook.

The good news, from a health standpoint, was that I was getting rid of those 9-15 heaping spoons full of sugar.  I could artificially sweeten my tea and be perfectly happy.

My choice back then was the pink stuff (Sweet’n Low) or the blue stuff (Equal).  I was disturbed by the label on the pink stuff.  All those lab rats  getting cancer from overdosing on saccharin.  And Sweet’n Low contained saccharin.  I didn’t know if they were feeding it to the rats or shooting it between their toes, but it was still disturbing.  The main reason I selected Equal was that the pink stuff had a sickly sweet taste.  I’m big on sweet, but not sickly sweet.

For years, I just drank Lipton tea.  It consists of black tea, orange pekoe and had become a friend.  When I would go into an upscale restaurant and ask for hot tea, the waiter would appear at the table with a large mahogany box and flip it open with a flair.  I would look inside but see nothing that looked familiar.  I used to ask if they had Lipton tea (later I would ask for orange pekoe).  The waiter would look insulted and I would become indignant.  Then, Carole would grab my leg and all would become calm.  I would pick out some celestial herbal crap and smile.

Now, Splenda is everwhere.  So my choice for sweetener is pink, blue or yellow.  I felt like Goldilocks in the house of the three bears.  This one it too sweet; this one is not sweet enough; and this one is just right.

When I am fixing my tea at home and trying to tear open the sweetener, it still spills all over the counter.  But it has nothing to do with a shaking hand.  I’m just sloppy.